How To Compliment Someone By Telling Them They Dont Need Makeup.
A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook asking for resources to learn how to improve use her makeup. This friend is a lovely, radiant, confident young adult female, then I was pretty irked when I saw over one-half the replies were some variation on "you expect and so much meliorate without makeup!" and "you don't need it! You're cute without information technology!". I assume these remarks were made with good intentions, but every bit somebody who has devoted a pretty large part of her recent life to cosmetics, I hear these sorts of things a lot, and I'thousand sick of it. Hither's why.
I'd like to kick this off past creating a bit of a metaphor; makeup is a lot like alcohol. Information technology's non-essential, merely something a lot of people really enjoy. They can be detail near certain types (a certain vintage scotch, a certain eyeliner), and acquaintance information technology with different types of events and seasons (champagne on New year'south, vivid lipstick in the summer). The utilize of these substances tin can exist indicative of deeper problems (alcoholism, cripplingly low self-esteem), merely in the vast majority of "users", at that place is no sinister underlying cause; just enjoyment.
Imagine you told somebody near a great new beer or cocktail you'd recently tried, and instead of maxim "that sounds delicious" or "we should go drink some together sometime", they said "you know, you don't need alcohol to exist happy." You are likely and so well aware of this that information technology hadn't even occurred to you; that'south not why y'all liked that beer. So, when the person you lot're trying to share something you're excited about with immediately assumes you have some sort of deep-seated problem with booze, well—that's kind of insulting. You aren't an alcoholic, you don't utilise alcohol in backlog to escape your life, so to have that be the primary assumption whenever you try to spread the news nigh the awesome new chocolate porter you tried last week… information technology's upsetting. Information technology sucks to realize that your friends think you lot take a substance problem with absolutely no evidence other than the fact that you savour alcohol and tried to share that enjoyment with them.
And then, when an endeavour to discuss makeup as something yous savor is met with "you're beautiful without information technology!", it seems like that person assumes yous are unhappy with way yous look, have awful self-esteem, and are using makeup to bolster your self esteem and hide your perceived ugliness. Plain pretty much nobody has and then little tact as to say exactly that, so they attempt to pay you an bad-mannered compliment in some sort of misguided try to accost the "problem" they presume you have, simply because you desire to ameliorate your cat eye or bought (or made!) a wicked new lippy. And that'due south just as insulting as somebody bold you are an alcoholic because you happen to similar scotch.
Also: makeup does, typically, make you look better (just similar drinking alcohol does, typically, improve your mood—even if that'due south not the sole reason you're consuming it). When makeup is applied well, your complexion looks more fifty-fifty and radiant, and it's virtually undetectable. So, when people assert you lot look improve without it, that's typically untrue, and often a fleck ignorant. That person may not really intendance about (or notice) your blotchy complexion or that zit on your chin, but objectively speaking, and for the vast bulk of people, makeup is improving the situation. To refer dorsum to my friend on Facebook—information technology turns out one of the people telling her she was more beautiful without makeup had never actually seen her without it on, so what did they know? Perhaps they had visions of ham-it-upwards way stage makeup dancing in their head, but their ignorance was definitely showing with their whole "trust me, yous expect meliorate without it" message.
The "trust me, I retrieve you're more cute without information technology" remark is perhaps fifty-fifty more irksome considering it addition to the "I think y'all have atrocious self esteem" undercurrents, that remark says "my opinion about how y'all wait matters more than your ain". Sod off. Information technology's as if I said "I'm going to make myself an egg salad sandwich for lunch" and yous replied "egg salad is disgusting, trust me, you should accept tuna instead". I don't care. It's my lunch. I was no fan of Amy Winehouse's crazy true cat (mountain panthera leo? It was seriously large!) eyeliner, but that was her matter, and more power to her. Whatsoever. My opinion is completely irrelevant in that situation, only as some Facebook friend who wants to tell me that they think I am more than cute without makeup, that they think my pants are also bright of a colour, or that I'd look ameliorate with short hair. Nobody asked them. My body, my face, my style, my artful. My egg salad sandwich.
I have a few theories as to why makeup is subjected to this sort of "y'all must have a trouble" group-think. First off, it's primarily a women's interest, pregnant a sizeable portion of the population doesn't use makeup. If you lot don't utilise makeup (or don't enjoy using it), I can definitely see how it would look like a big chore—similar to how I view vehicle maintenance. Oil changes and the like are something I take no involvement in doing and would rather pay somebody else to practice. I do empathise, notwithstanding, that some people actually savour these activities, so saying something like "don't y'all know you can pay somebody to do that for you?" is a really rude thing to say when somebody tells you excitedly that they've just inverse their oil for the first time.
Another theory is that so much of cosmetic marketing is designed to prey on insecurities that it'south easy to outset to retrieve people with crippling insecurities are the only people who would exist interested—that anybody with sturdier cocky esteem wouldn't fall prey to such marketing crap. I've found that if you lot're actually interested in makeup, many smaller (and/or premium) brands don't market this way—it's but the big ones that can beget to rent Olivia Wilde and airbrush her inside an inch of her life, simply those are the ones that are the most visible.
My grandmother's generation (or my grandmother, at least) was very much of the "wait expert for your human" idea train—that you weren't put together without lipstick and curls. That'due south certainly not my generation, though. I think 3rd wave feminism has introduced a bit of an over-correction in some ways. Many of the women on Sex in the Urban center couldn't cook and were proud of it, some women don't shave their underarms, and some are proud of their inability/lack of desire to apply makeup. And that'south fine—if y'all don't want to shave or vesture eyeliner, don't, just that doesn't make you a "amend" feminist than women that like cooking or lipstick. Don't shame other women who have an involvement in typically female activities. That doesn't make them "bad" feminists. Feminism is nearly women existence able to make their own decisions and having equal opportunities, whether that'southward being a firefighter, a stay-at-home mom, an advertisement exec, or a lady with seriously on-point brows.
That'southward not all of it, merely I remember those are the biggest reasons "you don't need makeup" statements irk me. I KNOW I don't demand makeup, and I am not some lone, aware human being in this realm. The vast bulk of people who enjoy makeup know they don't need it, besides. We also don't need flattering clothes, soft sheets, that pretty necklace, a pint of porter, or succulent chocolates, but when I talk about my honey of chocolate, people don't immediately tell me "don't swallow your feelings, there are healthier ways to deal with your emotions" (or at least if they do, most people recognize that's a pretty douchey thing to say). Don't shame people for enjoying something completely benign. A love of makeup does non equate a hatred of oneself!
Now, if you are thinking to yourself "hey, I'm simply saying something nice! Don't get your panties in such a twist, learn how to take a compliment!", I would like to encourage you to get-go handing out compliments at more than opportune times. If anybody has ever told you "you don't need to lose weight, you look bully!" right afterwards you lot've turned downwardly dessert, you know how insincere such "compliments" audio when they are and then apparently inspired by the supposition you dislike something about yourself—similar y'all were fishing for compliments, even though you weren't. If somebody truly looks lovely, and y'all have a genuine compliment to pay, say so. Don't wait until information technology'll sound like you lot're maxim "I think you hate yourself and am throwing a pity compliment at you considering I recall yous need it."
I think it should become without saying that if yous know somebody very well, and are truly worried about their self esteem, alcohol consumption, or that quantity of egg salad they eat, please say something. Address it in a genuine, concerned way, in a non-public forum. That is what truthful friends are for.
Anyhow, those are my thoughts on telling people they "don't need" makeup. What practise you think? Have yous said similar things to friends or family members? What were your intentions? How practice you experience when people say something similar to you?
Source: https://www.humblebeeandme.com/dont-tell-me-i-dont-need-makeup/
Posted by: garrendoperelpland.blogspot.com
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